i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
