And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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