Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
