fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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