I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
