I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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