Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
