At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
