Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
