We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
