She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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