Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
