My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
