They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
