Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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