Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
