I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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