I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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