mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
