that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
