for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
