I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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