His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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