i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
