the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dick very happy bro
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your penis caused this!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
