You smell like a Billy Joel song
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
