Who wears a wallet chain?!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
