She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
