No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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