after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
