i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
