just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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