Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
