he told me I talked like a deaf person
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
