Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
