Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
