He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
