i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
