dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
