I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
