New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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