We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
