Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
