I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
