Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
