Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
