We named our party play list daddy issues
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
