one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
