Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
