What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I am morally bankrupt
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
