I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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